Rome Wars Episode 2: The (Roman) Empire Strikes Back

I promise that nothing new has happened between my most recent post and now apart from my host mother serving me a dinner of 2 hot dogs (so Italian), half a plate of mashed potatoes, a whole bowl of pesto pasta, a piece of bread, and an orange. She feeds me like I’m fucking Hungry Jack. I don’t want to go home looking like him.

Fortunately, since I’m lost all the time, I end up walking about 23856834 miles a day, so hopefully that will stave off the onslaught of poundage. I’ve also taken to dancing vigorously to aggressively profane rap songs in my room. It’s a comfort knowing that the host family doesn’t understand the words and therefore cannot judge me.

Besides that, all I’ve got for you is Overly-Detailed Email Update Numero Due:


Ciao belle,

More awkward stories to report. Exciting things that have happened during days two and three:

I ATE FCKING GELATO AND IT WAS LIKE EXPLOSIONS OF JOY IN MY MOUTH. Half strawberry half chocolate. Delicious. One of the beloved football players got whiskey flavor, so Natalie, it’s not only possible, but someone has beaten us to it.

I saw many cats, including a three-legged one lumbering through the cat sanctuary at Piazza Argentina. Adorable. Sad. Gatti.

I was quite late to my first day of classes, due to being lost for 30 minutes in the neighborhood of my apartment before finally finding my bus stop, waiting for 15 minutes before the bus arrived, and then getting lost again after I got off. Good first impressions of Stacy. My only comfort was that the football players were even later.

LSA hookup prospect number 1 has been revealed to have a girlfriend. Wahh Wahhhh. Whatevah. A guy in his 30’s tracked me down as I was trying to walk around the Colosseum today and asked me to be friends and said he would show me all of Rome and that “we could go to the movies together, we could do anything, there was a girl from Texas five years ago, we were not just friends,” so basically I’m set for life, yeah? It was actually a little frightening because I was by myself and was planning to walk home, but I didn’t want him to follow me, so I had to get back on the bus. Run awayyyy.

I managed to lock myself out of my apartment for half an hour. I had the keys, but couldn’t figure out how to unlock the door… How do I go to Dartmouth? Finally, Doria came home and saved me.

Apparently pickled weird broccolis are a thing here. I had them for dinner… I have also had pasta during 4 of 4 possible meals. That is not a complaint. Bring on the pasta. Since the first night, when she witnessed me struggling to gracefully eat the spaghetti, she’s been trying to serve pasta in easier and easier shapes… I think my IQ while I’m here is approximately 25.

There is a casual grown up son who has children staying in the house. He’s been here since I got here… the children are not here. I thought he was only here for one night… He isn’t… Where are the children? What is going on? He was in the kitchen as I attempted to stealthily get to my bathroom earlier. We were forced to speak. I think he feels just as awkward about me being here as I do about him.

I bought a slice of pizza for less that one euro today. Amazingness.

There is no sink in my bathroom. I’ve been wetting my toothbrush with water from the “shower” and then spitting into the toilet…


I went inside the Pantheon today and it blew my mind. It’s enormous. The football players told me my face would melt. It basically did.

I guess all that’s left for news is that I finally unpacked everything, and that I MISS YOU GUYSSSSS. I still have basically no life, so I’ve been hardcore creeping on the social medias, but keep me posted anyway, aight?




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