Rome Wars Episode 4: Attack of the Crones (And By That I Mean My Art History Tour Guide)

Like I’ve said, I’m in my 4th week here in Rome; I’m just catching you guys up. Four weeks is a pretty long time, and I was thinking about such this afternoon as I said, “I’m cold. Maybe I’m finally becoming Italian.” For those of you who subscribe to rational logical patterns, let me explain. I am originally from Maine, and I go to school in Northern New Hampshire. It was 21 degrees (Fahrenheit) there today, and in the single digits last week. In Rome, it’s 50 degrees. If I have the audacity to be cold, I took that to mean that I must be acclimating (heheh puns) to the temperatures here.

But of course, I’m not really becoming accustomed to Rome, and this is how I know:

-I still miss the light switch 6/10 times.

-I think I accidentally ate a fish bone today.

-I keep texting people from home without remembering that I got a new SIM card and therefore have a new number. The amount of “Um sorry, who is this?” texts I’ve gotten recently would make a grown man cry.

-I did not buy hand soap for my bathroom until yesterday.

-Whenever a shopkeeper speaks to me, I run away.

-I still haven’t learned a polite way to say “huh?” in Italian

-I still say “a la darecha” (Spanish) rather than “a destra” to refer to the right-hand direction.

-Asking for directions is completely useless. I just say a decisive, “ok, va benissimo, grazie!” wander in the first direction they point, then consult my iphone like I should’ve in the first place.

-I bought a box of Ritz crackers for 3 Euros because I missed American snack foods so much.

Basically, I’m a total gringa still, as evidenced by this photo, as well as Overly-Detailed Email Update Numero Quattro, to follow.


Much has happened since we spoke last, but it is finally Thursday and my school week is over! (Isn’t that the life? School starts at 10, ends at 4, we get either an hour or two hours to eat lunch, and class often involves going for cappucinos as a group…) Anyway, now I finally get to sit down and write! In English!

First and most importantly, I opened the questionable Peanut M&Ms last night, and I can report that I have not yet died.

I talked to a transvestite on the bus. She invited us to a transvestite party. This was somehow funnier because I was on the bus with the football players.

Speaking of the football players, the group has decisively split into two cliques, one that includes the A-Side frat boys and one that includes the rest of the group. I am the only person that hangs out with both groups, and it’s weirding me out some. The frat boys are actually hilarious, though, and they just go sit in bars and drink beers.

In other news, I made friends with a Senegalese musician in the streets of the Ghetto district. (Literally called a ghetto, used to be the walled community of the Hebrews yada yada history lesson over) He wrote down his info for me so I could watch him on YouTube. I’m totally going to.

We took a tour of the Colosseum yesterday, and it was ALKSDGH:SLKA cool as fuck. I took a zillion photos.

I’ve also discovered that being alone is better than having any wingman, because men stop and talk to me all the flipping time. I had conversations with 3 random men today alone. This does not include the stranger in red corduroy jacket, blue pants, and yellow sweater who wrote “CIAO!” in the window fog on the bus. After this shockingly did not instigate conversation, he assumed the problem was linguistic and proceeded to write “HY!” underneath.

I’m adding to my Cats of Rome collection. There was an obscenely fat cat at the Prospettiva di Borromini yesterday. So. Fat. The art was cool too, you should google.

I discovered, not one but TWO times, that there do exist types of danish I do not like. Both were somehow soaked in rum/soda/liquid. Soggy Danish: not my thing. Croissants: totally my thing. Also, for Shaggy, the name of the FRIED CROISSANT is a cornetto fritto, and I have not yet had another, but I fully intend to.

I am getting better at showering with the hand-held, sitting, fleur-di-lis on ass shower.

I think the middle aged son was definitely smoking pot the other night.

That’s all for now, hope y’all are having fun. If any of you have time to Skype me or something tomorrow slash this weekend, I’d love that. 🙂  I miss you guys. And having friends in general :/ Have a good weekend regardless!



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