My Thoughts on the Bus in Rome
I study abroad. Which means I go to school. Which means I have to get there. On the bus. Every day.
Pictured: My nightmare
The ride to school usually takes about 35 minutes, and generally goes like this:
Is she wearing a fur vest and a t-shirt? So it seems. Fascinating.
Srsly you brought your stroller on this bus I will kick you. That is the least efficient use of space in existence, at least get a foldy one. Also where is your baby. Why is it not in the stroller. Do you even have a baby.
Oh and your two kids are standing and not even in their seats, excellent
They are seven, they don’t get seats.
Bus goes over cobblestones
I try to push my teeth back into my gums
Oh, good thing this man’s armpit is directly in my face good morning
The best paaaart of waking uuuup is deoOOooOOooooOdoraaaant
I should blog about this
Wish that I had a constant transcript of my thoughts
Elaborate slippery slope fantasy where this mental transcript leads society to 1984-like circumstances
That guy looks like Alan Rickman
Some of y’all motherfuckers better get off this bus, I’m not playing
Nope, more people are getting on instead.
There is no space 4 u here
Ugh okay guess we’re making space
annnnnd now you’re grazing my butt
Omg her hair how
“Where are we going? Is this the wrong bus?
*Elaborate mental image of me being crushed as a field trip of Roman fifth graders gets on the bus*
OMG a seat
Dammit, that nun took it.
…That was a bad thing to think.
Hmm cute boy in sunglasses.
But is it bright enough to justify sunglasses or is he just a douche
Might be a douche.
Although he has his shirt buttoned all the way to the top, maybe he’s just European.
Having a backpack on the bus is like the worst thing you can do. I am ashamed.
No wait, the stroller is still here. I’m good.
Is that a guy wearing yoga capris? Right on.
Ok srsly am I on the wrong bus? Where are we going?
Lost on the same bus I’ve been taking for a month, good work.
Should I get off or?
I’m going to be late.
Lost on the bus.
Wait is that Circus Maximus?
WHY ARE WE HERE THIS IS NOT THE WAY
O yea that road is closed
Is this 45-year-old career woman listening to Rack City?
Do you understand English or…?
What if Gangham Style is just vulgar af and we don’t know it, just dancing around like “yeah fuck ur mom lol riding the invisible pony”
Elaborate mental image of me just eating it on the bus floor, Roman locals looking on with disdain
Holy balls, this is the first police action I’ve seen in six weeks here GET HIM CHASE HIM DOWN WITH YOUR LITTLE SIRENS GO
Attempt to count repetitions of the word “ass” in “Dance A$$”
I really do think I can twerk
Positive or negative that my phone just autocorrected to twerk?
Ok everyone is wearing sunglasses, I revise my douche assumption.
Idea for thesis about the social dynamics of bus riding vis a vis the patriarchy
Realization that as much as I use the word in jest, I don’t really get what the patriarchy is
Oh thank you God, people are getting off the bus, good riddance
BREATHING IS WONDERFUL
Oop, more people getting on now, that was a tease.
Large groups prendering buses together are demonic
Reflection on my use of Italglish
I am Italian as a potato
Oh good, we’re back on the right route now
How is this girl wearing heels on these cobblestones?
I’m going to be six minutes late, I am the worst
Prepare elaborate explanation of why I’m six minutes late in my mind
Realize I’ll still probably be the first one to arrive
Fiftieth check that I haven’t been pickpocketed of the bus ride
Or have I
Must check more thoroughly
Elaborate mental scenario where someone pickpockets me and only takes my pepper spray and my six pizza and croissant receipts from Forno
Nope, think I’m still good
Whoa, that guy almost took a dive
Annnnd I’m off
Which bus was that, was that go-left-after bus or go-right-after bus?
0 for 12 on that one
Condom vending machine, excellent
18 Euros dear lord, that’s like a kidney
Elaborate mental scenario where the devil accepts one kidney for the privilege of having sex 18 times. Cash register goes chaching as he stows kidney.